Don't Try To Fix Me, I'm Not Broken
by TinkerBella7
Summary: helloyesimhere requested this prompt. -Mac has a breakdown when Patty leaves -People have left him all his life (mom through death, dad walking out, Grandfather and Pena through death) -He feels like everyone leaves him and he isn't worth sticking around -Jack finds him just kind of crumpled up somewhere staring blankly at a wall or something -Jack helps him through it Hope I did


Jack felt lost and adrift.

Three days ago, Sarah had gotten married and Jack still felt like someone had ripped his heart out of his chest. The past few days had been rough in so many different ways. Nikki showing up as a CIA deep undercover agent had sent MacGyver for a loop, but what had stunned each and every one of them the most was Thornton turning out to be a traitor. Jack had never, not even in his wildest dreams, seen that coming.

Knowing that Riley had gone to spend three days with her mother and that Bozer was at some sci fi convention, Jack decided to head over to MacGyver's. The night of Sarah's wedding had been spent binge watching Bruce Willis movies with Mac, but then Jack had gone home needing to wallow privately in his misery for a bit. However, after a failed attempt to drink himself into oblivion, he knew he was better off hanging out with MacGyver. Self-pity of one's own making was never pretty, so Jack refused to let himself indulge in it.

Even though it was after 9pm, Jack was sure he could talk MacGyver into helping him eat the meat lover's pizza and hot wings he had picked up, while watching some crappy sci-fi movies on Netflix. Mindless distraction at it's finest. Pulling into the driveway, Jack saw MacGyver's jeep so he knew the kid was home. The motion-sensored lights came on as he approached the house guiding his way and, as expected, the front door was unlocked. So Jack let himself in but he was surprised to discover that the inside was blanketed in darkness. "Mac?" Jack called out, as he shifted so he could hit the light switch with his elbow. He blinked at the sudden brightness, moving to set the food down on the island countertop.

"Hey, Mac! Where you at, bro? I know you're here!" Jack continued through the house, flicking on lights as he went, but the kid was no where to be found. Panic rippled through Jack as he headed out to the one place he hadn't checked yet, the deck. He was pleased to see that a fire was burning in the fire pit, which meant Mac was out there. Eyes sweeping the area as he stepped out onto the deck, Jack was relieved to finally spot a figure huddled against the wall. It was as if Mac had been looking out over the valley and had just turned and dropped on the spot. "Why are you sitting over there?" Jack asked, as he moved to crouch in front of his friend. "And, next time I'm shouting my fool head off for you, would it be too much to ask for you to respond?"

Jack waited, fully expecting the kid to counter with some smart-ass reply, but he was met with silence. The hairs on the back of Jack's neck rose as he was hit with a very bad feeling. He jumped up to hit the lights then moved back to MacGyver's side. The kid was just sitting in a crumpled heap, eyes staring blankly at the fire. When Jack waved a hand in front of Mac's face, his friend didn't even flinch. So not good. "Mac?" Jack kept his voice soft and soothing as he continued. "Hey, bud...can you hear me? It's me...it's Jack. Can you look at me?"

Slowly reaching out, Jack laid one hand on MacGyver's shoulder. He felt fine tremors rippling through the younger man's slender body. Something bad had happened and Jack needed to figure out what so he could help his friend. Shifting so he could cup the pale face in both hands, Jack whispered, "I need you to talk to me, Mac. Tell me what's wrong. I'm here, buddy, but you have to talk to me."

He got no response, but MacGyver shuddered and Jack realized the kid was cold. California nights could get surprisingly cool. Heading back inside, Jack grabbed a blanket from the linen closet and shook it out. A moment later he wrapping it around Mac's shoulders. Jack was at a loss of what to do. After a moment of consideration, he decided to check MacGyver for any physical injuries. He started by checking the kid's pulse and it was a bit thready, which worried Jack more than a little bit. Another thing Jack noticed was that Mac's skin was a bit clammy, which suggested he was shocky. But after a careful check of the slender body, Jack ruled out any physical damage. So what the hell was wrong with the kid? Just over twenty-four hours ago, MacGyver had appeared to be just fine. What had changed?

"Hey, Mac...you hungry?" Jack knew he was babbling, but he figured it was worth it if he got the kid to listen to him and respond. "I brought pizza. If you're not in the mood for pizza I can call for Chinese, or Thai. Anything you want, bud, you only have to ask for it." Desperation was starting to set in, especially when MacGyver started rocking back and forth. The movement was slight, but it still felt as if Mac was slipping further away.

Cursing under his breath, Jack rose to his feet. He paced a few steps back and forth beside MacGyver, wracking his brain for an idea of what to do. If the kid didn't respond to him soon, Jack was going to have no choice but to call for medical assistance, and he knew MacGyver would hate him for it. But that seemed the lesser of two evils at this point.

Suddenly, an idea hit Jack like a slap in the face. Running into the living room, he hunted through the desk, the bookcase and the side stand, only to come up empty. Seriously? Where the hell would Mac keep paper clips if not in the desk or at the very least in the bookcase?

Becoming desperate, Jack started opening the kitchen drawers, crowing in victory when he spotted a box of paper clips. A giant box, no less. Running back to his friend's side, Jack opened the box of paperclips and held it out. "Bet you a steak dinner you can't make the Millenium Falcon out of paper clips," Jack challenged. When Mac didn't respond he shook the box. When that didn't work he grabbed one of MacGyver's hands, turned it palm up, then dumped a couple of dozen paperclips into it.

Holding his breath, Jack watched as the kid stopped rocking. He felt a smile tug the corners of his mouth as MacGyver blinked then looked down at his hand. Slender fingers closed into a fist over the paperclips and Jack figured he had scored a hit. Only he found himself jumping back as MacGyver flung the paperclips into the fire pit before surging to his feet. The box of remaining paperclips, which Jack had placed on the ground, were scooped up to share a similar fate, this time soaring over the balcony wall instead of into the fire. Then Mac was on the move, surging forward to grab a deck chair before tossing it into the fire.

"Mac!" Jack watched the kid go for another chair, but he had to fish the first one out of the fire before he could go after his friend. He was able to pull the chair free and there was only a glowing ember he had to snuff out before he could intercept MacGyver. He got to the kid before he could heave the second chair into the fire pit. Jack yanked it out of Mac's grasp before wrapping his arms around the slender body. It was like trying to hold a livewire. MacGyver struggled against him, but he was too wound up to use his fight skills and Jack was able to bear them both to the ground where he was able to keep him down.

For a time MacGyver continued to struggle, without making it sound. It creeped Jack out a bit because he almost would have preferred the kid to scream and yell at him, to shout at Jack to let him go, but all MacGyver did was struggle to free himself, only to run out of steam after a few minutes. He went limp in Jack's arms, slender body trembling fiercely as he gasped for breath.

Jack took a moment to catch his own breath, easing his grip a bit, but not letting go.

Not until MacGyver shifted towards Jack, head down as he whispered, "Please let go."

"Talk to me first," Jack countered. "What's going on, bud? Did something happen? Are you hurt?"

"No..." MacGyver mumbled. "I'm...I'm fine, Jack."

Jack almost laughed out loud. "Kid...you are the farthest thing from 'fine' right now and you know it. You were unresponsive when I got here, Mac. Then you flipped out on me. You need to tell me what's going on."

MacGyver made an attempt to push away from Jack again, only to freeze when the strong arms wrapped around him tightened, holding him captive. He was starting to feel trapped and that brought on a wave of panic, prickling beneath his skin. Mac felt his heart start racing, his lungs tighten and he began fighting for every breath.

"Easy, bro...easy," Jack beseeched his friend. He felt MacGyver's body shudder, heard the way the kid's breathing became harsh and he knew he was heading for a panic attack. So he loosened his grip and eased away from Mac, but he didn't fully let go of him. Instead he gripped one wrist, bringing the slender hand to his own chest and bidding MacGyver to breath in and out along with him. It took a few minutes, but eventually they fell into the same rythmn.

"I'm okay," MacGyver stated, after a long moment of heavy silence passed between them. He could almost feel the tension and it made him uncomfortable.

Jack sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. He felt as worn out as if he'd run a triathalon. "Still not buying it, kid. You're not okay. Whatever it is, bro...I'm here for you."

MacGyver shook his head as a bitter laugh escaped him. "For now," he whispered.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jack countered, shifting so he could look at MacGyver. The kid was hunched over his knees, face down, eyes closed. A part of Jack was worried that he would retreat into himself again and this time Jack wouldn't be able to pull him back. "What the hell is going on, Mac? Two days ago you were fine. What the hell happened?"

"I'm an idiot!" MacGyver snarled. "That's what happened! I'm stupid, I'm so damn stupid!" As he spoke he smacked his fist into his forehead, over and over again as if he could smack the stupid right out of himself. If only it were that simple.

Jack reached out, grabbing MacGyver by the wrist and pulling his hand back. "Stop that. We both know you couldn't be stupid if you tried. Now you better start talking, kid...or I'm hauling your ass to the doctor's."

MacGyver yanked his hand back. "A doctor can't fix me, Jack. I'm too broken to be fixed."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jack found himself ready to freak out, because being unresponsive, freaking out and calling himself broken was not the norm for MacGyver. In fact, it was about as far away from normal as a person could get. "You're not broken, bud. Where is this coming from?"

"She left me..." MacGyver whispered, brokenly. He pushed himself backwards until he came up against the wall of the house, where he curled up into himself. "They all left me."

Jack followed MacGyer, crouching beside him. "Who left you? What are you talking about?"

MacGyver had wrapped his arms around his drawn up legs with his head resting against his knees, but he looked up at Jack and said, "You're going to leave me too."

"Whoa...back it up, brother." Jack was starting to get seriously concerned about the kid. "I have no idea where you're going with this, but I'm not going anywhere. It's you and me against the world, Mac. You know that."

"I've been trying to figure it out," MacGyver continued, as if Jack hadn't spoken. "Everybody tells me I'm so damn smart...so I should be able to figure it out. Right? But I can't...I keep it getting it wrong. I'm not smart enough, Jack. I'm not good enough. I'm not worth the effort."

Jack wanted to reach out and shake the kid, so that maybe he would start making sense. "Back up and start over, brother. What are you trying to figure out?"

MacGyver locked eyes with the man who was his friend, his brother, a beloved Uncle and sometimes Father figure, and he told him the truth. He owed Jack that much. "I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with m so I can fix it and then, maybe no one else will leave me."

"What?" Jack felt gob smacked by MacGyver's reply because it was the last thing he expected the kid to say, but at the same time he felt heartbroken, because he could see that his friend believed what he was saying. MacGyver truly believe something was wrong with him. Reaching out, Jack gripped the kid by the shoulders, making him look at him. "There is nothing wrong with you, Bud. Nothing broken. Okay?"

"You're wrong." MacGyver would have liked nothing better than to believe what Jack was saying, but he knew it wasn't true. He had proof. "Nobody stays, Jack. Everybody I care about leaves. My Mom, my Dad, my Grandfather...Pena, Nikki. Now Thornton."

Jack gave in to the urge to shake MacGyver, just a little. Just enough to shake his ridiculous thoughts out of his ginormous brain. "Your Mom...she didn't choose to leave you, kid. She died, she couldn't help that."

MacGyver knew that, but she had left him all the same. "My Dad...he chose to leave me. He's my Dad and he's supposed to love me and he was all I had left after Mom died...but he left me. He left because I wasn't worth staying for. Same thing with Nikki. She said she loved me, but she didn't. She couldn't...because there's something wrong with me. And Thornton? When she recruited me...she convinced me to work for DXS because she said she knew I had a gift that most people didn't understand. She understood and she convinced me that I could make a difference...that I could help people. I could save them."

"And she was right," Jack interjected. "You save the world every damn day, kid."

"A lot of people didn't get Thornton," MacGyver continued. "She wasn't cold and uncaring, Jack. She was passionate about what she did, and she always had my back. We would talk sometimes, when I knew no one else would get what I was thinking...feeling...after some missions. She always knew what to say and how to get me to focus on what mattered. I knew her...I did...and yet I didn't know her at all." A tear slid down Mac's face and he swiped it away with the back of one hand. "I loved Nikki and I knew her...in my heart and my soul." Another tear slid down his face and Mac pressed his palms against his face, willing himself to control his emotions and failing. "But I didn't know her, Jack. How could I have been so wrong? About all of it. Why did they all leave me in the end? What is wrong with me, Jack?"

Before Jack could even try to figure out how to respond, he watched MacGyver pull away from him. Shaking, but ever graceful, the kid rose to his feet and headed into the house. Jack was right behind him. "Where are you going, bud?"

MacGyver was heading straight for the front door after grabbing his car keys off the side table. "I don't know...doesn't matter. I just...I can't stay here. I can't do this anymore."

"I don't like the sound of that," Jack muttered, more to himself than to Mac. He reached out and snagged the kid by the arm, pulling him to a stop. "You're in no condition to go anywhere, and I'm definitely not letting you drive." With cat-like reflexes, Jack relieved MacGyver of his car keys. Then, for good measure, he moved to stand between Mac and the front door.

"Give me my keys back," MacGyver demanded. He couldn't stay here. He was beginning to feel like he was trapped in some nightmare and he needed to escape.

Jack shook his head. "Not happening." No way in hell he was letting the kid leave in his current emotional state. MacGyver could compartmentalize like nobody's business, but it wasn't really surprising to Jack that the walls the kid had built were finally cracking and crumbling. Mac was only twenty-five years old and he had lost so many people, suffered too many tragedies and all the while he had been putting his life on the line to save others since he was a damn teenager. Add to that having to deal with being smarter than everyone else around him, and their reactions to him, it had finally caught up to him.

There was more than one exit to his house, so MacGyver simply pivoted and headed for the kitchen door. He hadn't taken two steps when a hand grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop. Mac didn't hesitate to try and yank free, but Jack had a grip like iron. "Let go!" MacGyver snarled.

"You can't run away from what you're feeling, Mac," Jack countered, not letting up on his grip one iota. "But we can sit down and work through it...together. Because I'm not going anywhere, you hear me? You are stuck with me."

Fight or flight had taken hold of MacGyver and when Jack refused to let go of him, he didn't hesitate. Since he couldn't take flight, he would fight. So he pulled back his right arm and slugged Jack, with every ounce of anger rippling through him behind it.

Jack hadn't been expecting the punch, so he was shocked when pain bloomed across his cheek and jaw, to the point where he let go of MacGyver. Which turned out to be a good thing since the kid punched him hard enough to knock Jack off his feet.

Horrified, MacGyver stared down at Jack. He felt the pain in his fist, but it was secondary to the shock he was feeling. Without conscious thought, Mac started backing away. He had to get out of there.

Realizing that MacGyver was about to bolt, Jack rose to his feet and cut him off, pulling the kid into a bear hug.

Which Mac fought against, desperately trying to free himself. "No! Don't touch me!" He had already hurt Jack enough, he couldn't bear the thought of doing more damage.

"Shhh..." Jack replied, holding on tight. "It's okay, Mac, I've got you. I've got you, kid."

And, just like that, all the fight went out of MacGyver and he found himself sagging into Jack's embrace. His fingers clutched Jack's shirt as he whispered, over and over, "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Jack. I'm so sorry." MacGyver's voice cracked and the next thing he knew hot tears were sliding down his face in and endless stream and there was nothing he could do to stop them.

"It's all good, Mac," Jack countered, holding on tight. He felt the slender body shuddering even as warm wetness soaked his shirt. The kid was crying, yet he didn't make a sound and it about broke Jack's heart into a thousand tiny pieces. Feeling fiercely protective in this moment, he held on to MacGyver blinking hard against his own tears that threatened to fall.

Time held no meaning in this moment. Jack was only aware of MacGyver's shuddering finally fading to fine tremors. He took that moment to guide the kid over to the couch and making him sit. It broke him just a little bit more when Mac pulled back then turned away from him.

MacGyver felt shame wash over him for what he'd done. He couldn't look at Jack as he apologized. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have hit you. I'm sorry, Jack. This isn't me...I don't do this."

"No apologies necessary," Jack interjected, grabbing MacGyver by the shoulders and making the kid look at him. "I do ask that this stay between us, because if Riley learns that you knocked me on my ass with one punch...I'll never hear the end of it." Jack studied Mac's face, hoping for at least a tiny little smile in reaction.

"Are you okay, Jack?" was MacGyver's response. "Can I get you some ice?" He was ready to jump up and get it, whatever Jack wanted or needed.

Jack kept both hands on MacGyver's shoulders. "I'm fine, bro. All I need you to do right now is listen to a little story I'm going to tell you."

MacGyver frowned in confusion. "A story? What story?" He wasn't sure what the point of a story was at this moment.

"When I was in Delta Force, there was this kid. Henry." Jack got to his feet and began to pace as he fell back into the memory. "He was older than you were when I met you for the first time. Maybe 23, so just two years younger than you are now. Anyway...he was an excellent soldier, but he was also a bit naïve. He was all about doing everything he could to save the world, sound familiar?" Jack stopped pacing to look at MacGyver, but the kid was looking down at the floor. However, he appeared to be listening intently, so Jack continued.

"I took Henry under my wing," Jack said softly. "Watched out for him like a big brother. We went out on a mission in Kabul and he got hit by a sniper. One minute he was standing beside me and the next minute he was lying on the ground with a bullet hole between his eyes." The memory hit Jack like a slap in the face and he faltered for a moment, moving to sit back down and scrubbing a hand over his face as if he could wipe away the memory. "I closed myself off after it happened. I became focused on doing the mission and that was all that mattered. No way in hell was I going to let anyone get close to me again...and then I met you. I had every intention of keeping you at arms length, but you wiggled your way into my heart, man. You're family, and family is forever." Jack hoped that MacGyver was getting the message he was trying to send, loud and clear.

MacGyver sighed and whispered, "Nothing is forever, Jack."

Cupping Mac's face in both hands so that the blue eyes were locked on his own, Jack stated, "Given our line of work I can't promise you I won't die on a mission. But I can promise you that I will never leave you by choice." He could see his words sinking in and the sudden gratitude shining from the kid's eyes about did Jack in. He stood up, gripping MacGyver by the arm to drew him up with him. "I think it's bedtime for you, you're exhausted." Not giving the kid time to argue, Jack guiding him into the bedroom and made MacGyver lie down. Jack pulled off Mac's boots and drew a blanket over him. "Rest, I'll be here when you wake up." He made to walk out but a hand on his arm made Jack freeze.

"Stay," MacGyver begged, tugging on Jack's arm until the other man gave in and moved to lay down next to him, on top of the covers. Maybe, just maybe, he would be able to sleep now.

"You want to know what the moral of my story is?" Jack queried, after a long moment of silence. At MacGyver's sleepy nod he said, "Everybody breaks at some point, kid, and this moment was twenty years in the making. That said, it doesn't mean you're broken...it just means your human."

Turning onto his side, facing Jack, MacGyver mumbled sleepily, "Just feels like I'm broken to me."

Jack grinned. "That's okay, I'll scoop up all the pieces and put you back together. I'm good with puzzles. Now go to sleep." To make his point he folded his hands behind his head and closed his eyes.

Following suit, MacGyver knew that when he woke up nothing would have really changed, because there was no easy fix for this. But maybe, come morning, he would be able to face the world with a clear head and his walls back in place.

In the end, no matter what happened, MacGyver knew he wouldn't have to face it alone. So he let himself relax and drift off to sleep. He would deal with the fall out tomorrow.

A smile curving his lips, Jack listened to Mac's breathing even out until he finally fell asleep. The kid was going to have a lot to deal with in the morning, but Jack would be there to help him sort through it. Every step of the way.

THE END


End file.
